I think I read somewhere that anxiety symptoms can be part of having MS. Actually, there is something on the MS society website about this. Today I woke up with a great day to look forward to but I found that familiar sick feeling of doom starting to creep in. I had fallen down the last four steps of my staircase when I first got up out of bed, I had not realised that my legs were not awake. One minute I was making my way downstairs, the next I was sat firmly on my behind, with my husband appearing at the back of me telling me he was going to ‘buy me a stair lift’ … I was not hurt that much, but I think this is where the panic started. I had a hair appointment at my friend’s hairdressing shop. With one thing and another, I have had a summer without a car, and only just bought a new one. To be honest, I was quite enjoying not having to drive anywhere. The new car is easy, an automatic, just press D for drive and go, I don’t even have to use my (numb) left hand. No gear stick, no handbrake. But today, the thought of parking up there had been playing on my mind until it was something it wasn’t. By the time I got to my appointment I was shaking all over. Well, I had a cup of tea and a laugh about it and soon I was wondering what I had been worried about. So, why the blog post? Well after conquering my temporary fear of parking down a little street in Whitefield, I got home to find my books have arrived five days early for my next OU module of my Creative Writing BA honours degree. After debating all summer if I was up to it, and being told ‘if I can do an OU degree, I must be ‘alright then’ (!) I made no decisions either way about carrying on. Now the books are here, still in their box. September always seems very different to me, reminding me of school, reminding me of when my daughter was at school. The other night, I woke up in (another) panic, I had a nightmare about buying school blouses but couldn’t find the right size or correct collar! I think last year, I tried too hard too soon and tried to continue doing all the things that I was already doing in the week (writing groups and physiotherapy). This year, I really have to plan my time, I am on strict instructions from the MS nurse to have a sleep in the middle of the day. I need to plan my time around myself, and why shouldn’t I? Then my husband came home, he has been to pick up his pizza trailer today (this is another story). It is bigger than he thought, he had loads of fun reversing it down the street, much to the disgust of our neighbours. No harm was done of course. Do you ever feel like you are living in a sit-com? I do.
This is linked to my social media accounts. If you view me blogging about my illness as a negative, then this is for you, the people that have said to me ‘it’s alright for some’ or ‘you can’t be like that all the time’. If you view this post as positive, (I do) this is for you, who know I am really looking forward to seated yoga on Monday, with Carol and all her fabulous breathing exercises and balance boosting stretches.
All’s well that ends well, it’s the weekend… Happy weekend everyone!